CONTINUUM
AN ENTIRE LIFE IN FIVE ACTS
FOUR
In his world there was no permanence, no bedrock. He lived with the current adult, unable to imagine an existence so free from hunger and anxiety as to be comfortable. The current guardian had taken him in off the street. Not unlike the dog at his hand, but without the painful wound. He found the guardian’s actions strange but comforting. She had family but didn’t see them often. He became her focus, her family, her life. For that he was grateful. But she didn’t have interest in the books which consumed his waking hours and his dreams. When the books drew he and DeVon together, that made the books even more important to him. But to his guardian the books had interfered with her newfound mission in life.
The guardian was simple but not stupid. Uneducated and unsophisticated, the guardian still felt a compulsion to serve his needs, took pride in doing things well. She kept house cleanly but not expensively. With no friends and no family, she never had company, never had a neighbor stop in for coffee, never visited a neighbor, never met anyone anywhere for anything. Plodding existence became a phrase he attached to the guardian when he thought about her at all.
Not alone often when DeVon lived nearby. Not alone ever in his own mind when all those great men and women were delivering fine speeches in fine clothes standing in fine places with fine people. He never felt jealousy, for to be jealous he would first need to feel excluded. He was never excluded. He was included. Always included.
His existence revolved first around reading and delivering the great monologues of literature and theater. Later, his existence revolved around performing them for DeVon. As time wore on, he lived to discover new and powerful passages, adding them to his repertoire voraciously. His existence came to depend completely on the printed word and the look on DeVon’s face when he recited them.
He ate scraps he found when hungry. The guardian fed him simple but healthy food, and he ate tiny amounts of it. He didn’t do it to be polite, even though he would never hurt her feelings on purpose. He ate because he was genuinely hungry all the time. Too engaged by words, too enthralled by characters, to be interested in real life. He lived a total life of the mind. He only existed inside his own head.
He appeared to be withdrawn, challenged, troubled, by most observers. By the world’s standards he was devoid of social skills, inept at spontaneous conversation. Those at the school just accepted him as he was though. No judgment. No expectations. No disappointments. Accepted in this world on a limited basis and ignored by the wider world of reality, he lived as he wished. Time did not exist. Responsibility never reared its head.
The teachers at school talked to him about his passion for oratory. Attempted to direct him to use his love of spoken words in some way he could not imagine. Performing for DeVon seemed easy and safe. Performing for others seemed hard and dangerous. What if they didn’t understand the power in the passage? What if they didn’t understand the feeling found in the phrases? What if they doubted the truth of the text? What if they failed to respond emotionally to the rhythms? What if they didn’t allow him to respond the way he needed to respond?
Too dangerous. Never do that. Too dangerous. DeVon was safe. The new dog was safe. The guardian was safe. Too dangerous he thought. Never do something dangerous. He began to recite from the book of Genesis. He found the “begets” to be especially rewarding in their staccato repetitions. His agitation subsided, he sat still once again. He looked at the dog, still asleep in the boxes covered by the sweet-smelling old coat. Breathing easily. Him and her. Together like he and DeVon.
After several days, rusty hubcaps full of fresh water and scraps of food left from his oft forgotten meals, she ventured outside slowly. Gingerly at first, testing the leg, limping a little.
Satisfied with the pain level and needing this new-found friend, she walked beside him in his daily routine. Never far away, but never understanding what they were doing, she settled for the doing, the together.